What Is A Feminist?

 A few days ago I read an article that had been posted on the Women's March Facebook page.  It had been shared by the administrator(s) of that page from www.Bustle.com, "8 Issues To Support If You Call Yourself A  Feminist,"  by Noor Al-Sibai.

From that article:
"One of the biggest wake-up calls in the 2016 elections took place around the issue of class — while Bernie Sanders deftly spoke to the working classes, Hillary Clinton failed to do so, and that failure to appeal to members of the lower American classes likely contributed to her loss."

I have lost count of the many opinion pieces that have been written about why Hillary Clinton lost the election.  Several of which believe that Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren's critique of the Clinton campaign regarding Hillary's "not speaking to the working class" is  wrong.  So we have yet another opinion from a self-described feminist who in three sentences tells us that Bernie is good and Hillary is bad when speaking to the working class and that is likely to have contributed to her loss.  Maybe she should have attributed Bernie's petulant and grudging support after he lost the nomination to her loss.  I think that and his inability to get his supporters on board played a much bigger role.   Don't forget the GOP buffoon candidate spoke loud and long to the working class.  And they sadly bought it hook, line and sinker.     

I am a Hillary supporter and I am loyal to the point of obsession.  I absolutely disagree with the author and believe that that one paragraph should not have been in the article.  The article itself is  written in a style that sounds exclusive, not inclusive.  She speaks of class as in the working class, but yet she speaks down to women in a college professor manner.  I think that comes with being very young and arrogant.

If being a feminist means being a Bernie supporter, well then count me out.  If you don't think voting for an accomplished, intelligent 30 year public servant who happens to be a woman is progressive, maybe you need to rethink what a feminist is.  I decided to look at various websites to see what the definition of a feminist is.
          

"Feminism is a range of political movements, idealogies , and social movements that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve political, economic, personal, and social rights for women. This includes seeking to establish educational and professional opportunities for women that are equal to such opportunities for men."    Source: Wikipedia

" Men and women need to work together toward the same cause — a society in which every member has the opportunity to flourish. Meanwhile, let’s not get stuck on the word feminism — or at least recognize that its paradigm-shifting radiance dims when pitting one woman’s fulfillment against another’s."    Source : Huffington Post   http://www.huffingtonpost.com/maria-laurino/what-does-it-mean-to-be-a_b_9269592.html

"The Oxford English Dictionary defines ‘a feminist’ simply as ‘An advocate or supporter of the rights and equality of women’. Yet the term ‘feminist’ has always been contentious. This is partly because it connotes militancy and an ‘anti-men’ stance, but also because it has come to be associated with elite groups of women."

I know who I am.  I am a woman who for over five decades has  believed in women's rights; equal pay for equal work; equality of the sexes; LGTBQ rights; a level playing field; my body, my choice and a woman's right to dignity.   I don't like the idea of someone pigeon holing me.  Stop putting labels on people; stop defining women by their choices and stop calling people names because you don't agree with them.   In the past year, I have been called libtard, neoliberal, feminazi, snowflake, racist (for calling out a female CNN Trump supporter.  Must have been a Russian troll who did not know the difference between sexism and racism), etc.   I am truly disappointed that a group I thought would be inclusive and welcoming to women chose to make a negative political statement regarding the first female candidate for president from a major  party.   Is this the beginning of turning the  March for Women movement  into a Bernie Sanders support group?  Is this group going to advocate  feminism as an elitist movement which will disenfranchise a great many women and keep more women  in the conservative arena?   

When I marched on January 21, 2017, I marched with women, men and children who were there for many different causes; women's rights; climate change; gay rights; immigration; ban the wall; pro- choice; religious rights, public education, Trump's winning  and Hillary's loss, etc.  We came from all over the country from many different walks of life and age groups.  It was a wonderful feeling to be with like-minded people.  I joined that March because I was devastated by Hillary's loss.

After reading the above referenced post from the Women's March Facebook page, I was mildly irritated, enough so that I had a sleepless night.  It is extremely unfortunate if this group is going to change directions.  The March was a huge success, but the movement will become polarizing if it becomes overly political and speaks more to an elitist group of feminists rather than women of all ages and classes.

At my age, I appreciate people who don't feel the need to be condescending when they give their opinion.   And always keep in mind, if you are not speaking in facts, it is just your opinion.

If you bash Hillary, I will always defend her.  She is my  hero.  I don't know how she has the strength to keep standing and fighting after all the abuse she has taken during the campaign and after, but she is still out there and she is still being criticized.  Hmmm, did Al Gore go through this after he lost?

I have never been one to be easily categorized.   Maybe I'm not a feminist. 

RESIST, INSIST, PERSIST, ENLIST

            

    

The Oxford English Dictionary defines ‘a feminist’ simply as ‘An advocate or supporter of the rights and equality of women’. Yet the term ‘feminist’ has always been contentious. This is partly because it connotes militancy and an ‘anti-men’ stance, but also because it has come to be associated with elite groups of women. - See more at: https://www.bl.uk/sisterhood/articles/what-is-a-feminist#sthash.4aEjlBuw.dpuf

Letter to a Founding Board Member

Dear Founding Board Member:

I knew from my very first board meeting that everyone walked on egg shells around you.  And when you spoke it was not necessarily with authority, but with an unkind smug attitude.  I think the word I'm looking for is strident.  You could be making the most inane statement, but somehow it would sound challenging and strident.   It was only after joining the board that I received comments from members of the community that you were one hell of a bitch.  Even other board members conceded that you were impossible to work with, but I just kept going like the Energizer bunny.  For six years, I kept "gunny sacking" all your pettiness; Silas Marner pecuniary, hatefulness and stonewalling of any new, modern ideas.  Keep in mind that it wasn't just you that was the problem.  You had your accomplices:  the passive-aggressive board members who talked incessantly about you behind your back, but left it to me to confront you;  the ones with personal agendas; the "do nothing", but I like being on the board types; your personal lackeys (whom I not so lovingly refer to as your "henchmen") who are the most disruptive and negative members that you supported because of their genuflecting to you the almighty Founder. 

After six long, long years, I could not bear sitting through another meeting with the most dysfunctional group of characters I have ever  known that were not in a tragedy performed on stage.  So I left the building without looking back. 

Two years later, the grapevine has it that you and your "henchmen" are on the attack again.  It is well known that getting and keeping board members is still an on-going struggle; pleading for volunteers to serve as officers.  And yet you still enjoy making life as miserable as possible for any new board member who has the misfortune to be cajoled into joining the  board.  Why? Why are you making it so difficult?  Why aren't you mentoring the new and helping them; praising, supporting and thanking?  Oh, yes you do thank and praise your "henchmen."  And you will never admit that they, with their willful, negative and gossipy comments at the meetings are doing more harm than good...as long as they look at you with adoring eyes.  I wish you could see yourself as others see you, a mean spirited bully.

Recently I came across an article by Joan Garry that I found very compelling; it spoke to me bringing back memories of my time serving on that a non-profit board with you.  Apparently there is a "Founders Syndrome."

Quotes from 'Founder Syndrome' Can Take Down A Nonprofit..." by Joan Garry:

 Advice for Founders:

• "But your job is not just to create.  It's to build an organization to last, with or without you.  Seeing the organization thrive after you step away is your single biggest achievement.  It's your legacy."     
• "Build your bench strength.  Showcase talent.  Bring in new board members."

Advice for Boards and Executive Director:

• Remember the ultimate responsibility for the organization's health and sustainability belongs to you.  Do not let this be trumped by any personal loyalty or fear that the organization may not survive her departure.
• Remember that founders have egos.  Usually sizable ones.  
• The founder must be respected and honored (even if she is driving you out of your mind.
• Do not put up with a board that allows the founder to undermine you.  Draw clear lines in the sand with your board chair and begin to actively recruit new people who are not part of the founder's posse."  

Founder to new board members or officers -- 

• "That's not how we do things."
• "This is how we do things here." 

Those phrases if you did not say them at every meeting, they were implied.   It was all about keeping the status quo; curtailing any new, creative or innovative programs.  It wasn't just you that hindered progress.  You had your "henchmen" (founder's posse) always agreeing wholeheartedly with you; the passive-aggressive refraining from comment or support until after the meeting (who cares at that point); the members with personal agendas who are vying for control and who offer only stifling, arguing and blocking.

My favorite quote from the article:  "Imagine you were Barry (the new executive director).  How long would you last?  To preserve your own mental health...I'd give you 10 months or less."

I guess I am slow learner or just plain stubborn.  I lasted six years.

After I left, I kept going over and over in my head, what could I have done differently?  I still don't have any answers other than I trusted many people that I shouldn't have and tried too hard.  I stood up to you and for that I am proud.  I turned around a failing and flawed organization, but I could not battle the atmosphere of schadenfreude.  For the life of me, I could not then nor now,  understand board members who found joy in others failures especially if it hurt the organization.  I cannot help but think you and others were actually envious of those with talent, drive and enthusiasm.  It is more than a little sad and pathetic. 

The organization thrives, not because of you, but in spite of you.

Your expiration date has been over for quite awhile.  It is time to let go, move on, say goodbye and good luck with your blessings for the future.  Hopefully, your posse will leave with you. 

***************************************************************************

The chance of the person who needs to read this is slim to none, but it has been cathartic for me and maybe someone will learn from reading this how to survive a founder and her posse.  Good luck!